Why do I want to End my Life?

This is going to be detailed, but if you can help me please do.



I am 28 years old and have a Bachelor of Arts degree from a Film School. I wanted to be a screenwriter, but have so far had only a handful of my projects made into short films, and none of them won any contests or were picked up. I live in Chicago and for some reason its hard as balls to get anything going with my film career. Despite what some may think, Chicago is only really theater based. Everyone else is very safe and very midwestern. Nothing ever happens here. I am comfortable though because I have a decent job that I walk to and so I don't feel the need to "go". My parents also live close by.



I don't have a relationship, don't want to get married %26amp; the job I have barely pays the rent. But no other jobs are hiring me despite my prestigious experience (I worked as a reporter for the Chicago Tribune, have been published %26amp; have 10 years of customer service experience, mainly working with children and giving tours at a museum).



I also just got hired to work on Disney Cruise Lines as a Entertainment Host, but they keep moving my start date up and as of now I won't be leaving till after Thanksgiving.



All of this is pretty depressing. No one will take me on as a writer. The comedy book I wrote that everyone SAID was funny is getting zero responses from lit agencies, and I have re-written my query letter dozens of times. Nothing. So I am giving up hope on life. I have wanted to work in the entertainment business all my life. I'm 30 years old damn near. It's coming to the point where all my friends are successful, have homes and families, and I still work at a job an 18 year-old fresh out of high school can get. Meanwhile I busted my *** in college and feel it was a waste of time. Why is this happening?



I want to kill myself and end it all. Perhaps there is nothing after death and it will all go black. How depressing. Perhaps I will be reborn. But I need someone to be REAL with me and tell me why I'm not succeeding at my craft. And why others I know are. I'm tired of volunteering on film sets and working for free. That's for high school students. I need to get paid. What the hell?Why do I want to End my Life?
Charles, something within you has called you to the art of screenwriting; unfortunately, it's no easy task.



You have great aspirations and your passion and obvious ability have caused you to expect too much of yourself; however, I do understand this - you've been working so hard for so long that even though it seems from your details that you're making progress, all you can see are your failings.



Here are some positives that I've got from your post:



-You're well educated.

-You're intelligent.

-You're creative.

-You're employed.

-You have plans for your future.



These things might not seem like everything you want or need in your life, but for now at least can you consider that you have enough? And think: what an interesting character you make! Maybe you can use this low for character analysis in the future. If you've reached the depths of despair, your understanding of the human condition can only be heightened, thus giving you an insight into creating more realistic characters and scenarios that your future readers/watchers will identify with.



Even if this doesn't answer your question, take heart from the knowledge that right now even though you're alone in your personal suffering, others are experiencing similar crises and know the frustrations of ambition unfulfilled...



PS can I please please please read your comedy book? www.facebook.com/carmen.tudor (friend me. I dare you.)
just keep at it bro, if you give up then what was it all for? if you keep going, who knows maybe you'll get it. Try to search for some famous people and showem your scripts. Keep positive.Why do I want to End my Life?
Well man I don't see anywhere that your sick with a terminal illness? Or where your homeless or even jobless. Honestly though I can see where your coming from but there is A LOT more people out there that had it MUCH worse. Just be patient and hapyness will find you. God bless